The Day That Tina Almost Croaked
by Kam
Summary: Uncle Rico is a flipping idiot! He almost killed Tina! And Kip is such a retard, he doesn't even care. Can Napoleon and Pedro save this fat, lardlike llama from dying?


Disclaimer: I dont own the flipping characters of this story, which is a huge pile of decroded crap!

The Day That Tina (almost) Croaked

Napoleon exhaled loudly. _Today was a flippin waste of time!_ He thought angrily, glaring at his Uncle Rico. His idiot Uncle decided he would take Napoleon and Kip to the Cutting Corral while he got his hair trimmed.

"And what is your problem, Napoleon?" Uncle Rico asked, annoyed, from the hair-cutting stool.

"I could totally be doing something useful right now. Gosh!" Napoleon said, turning his head to the side.

"Like what? Drawin' those part tiger part lion drawin's?" Uncle Rico said, scoffing.

"No! Your talking about a Tigon. I draw Ligers,.. part lion part tiger. I hate Tigon's, they flippin' suck!" Napoleon said, frowning.

"Oh like you know anything about foreign animals." Kip said, rolling his eyes.

"I know more than you Kip! Your such an idiot! You don't know anything! Gosh!" Napoleon said, his voice growing louder. A few customers looked up and giggled.

"Napoleon, shut your mouth. Your embarassin' Uncle Rico!" He snarled at his nephew. Napoleon exhaled long, and turned his head away from them.

About half an hour later, they were back home. Napoleon stormed to his room and slammed the door.

"Stop your whinin'!" Uncle Rico yelled.

"Get your own flippin' life and stop obessing over mine! Your sick!" Napoleon's voice muffled out from his room. Kip sat down at the computer.

"So beautiful.. your liquid blue jems are just wonderful..." He mumbled to himself as he typed it, smirking of his awesome poetry skills.

"Napoleon! Feed Tina!" Uncle Rico yelled, microwaving a steak.

"Do it yourself you piece of decroded crap!" Napoleon yelled out. Uncle Rico sighed.

"Kip! Feed Tina." Rico said, glancing through the pantry window.

"Your lips melt against mine like butter...I hope you heard me, no studder.." He whispered as he typed, zoned into the computer screen.

"Fine. I will feed her. Now, what to llamas eat?" Rico asked himself. He glanced at the A1-covered steak on his plate. "This will work." He mumbled. He went outside and chucked the steak. Tina ran after it, making odd noises as she ate it. "Ah, I knew I would find somethin' she would eat." He said, gloating. He walked back in to see Napoleon brushing past him with the phone.

"Hi is Grandma there?"

"No, she is busy right now."

"Well.. where is she?"

"Busy."

"Ughhhhhh" Napoleon exhaled, "Kay, bye." He said, hanging up the phone. He went back in.

"Uncle Rico, Granmda says you have to leave." Napoleon lied.

"No she didn't Napoleon. Stop lyin', and go look in the classifieds for a job." Uncle Rico said, tearing his teeth into another steak.

"I will get a job whenever I feel like!" Napoleon said angrily. He sighed. "I am going to go feed Tina." He said, beginning to trot off.

"Don't bother. When you were wiping yourself with pampers in your room earlier, I gave her a steak." Rico said from the couch, while watching TV.

"What?" Napoleon asked, walking towards his Uncle, "Steak is made from cows. And everyone knows cows and llamas are like.. in the same flipping family!"

"So then what is the problem?" Rico asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You made Tina eat her own species, sicko!" Napoleon shouted. He ran out the door, hopping down the front stairs. He turned the corner, and approached Tina's fence. He widened his eyes to 1/4 more than his normal squint. He saw Tina, laying on the ground, making a scared noise. "I'ts okay Tina. Hang on.. don't go to the light, it is a flipping trap." Napoleon mumbled to his favorite, fat, llama. He ran back up the dirt sidewalk to the house, and tripped up the stairs. He held his right shin, rolling side to side. "Augh.. Uh.. it kills.. it freeking kills..." He whined. He got back up after five minutes of rolling, and went in the house.

"Well, what is the problem?" Rico asked, not even acting concerned.

"Well, you pretty much just killed Tina. She is in the orchard as we speak, dying a slow death, thanks to you being an idiot." Napoleon said, glaring.

"How can we fix her?" Rico asked.

"It's hard to fix a llama. You have to build her a protein meal, and them pump the bad food out of her stomach." Napoleon said.

"Like you know, Napoleon." Kip sneered from the computer chair.

"Like you even care!" Napoleon retorted. He grabbed the phone and walked outside with it. "Hello? Is Pedro there?"

"This is Pedro. Who is this?"

"Napoleon."

"Hi."

"Do you have a llama pump?"

"No... why?"

"My Uncle Rico pretty much killed Tina. We need to pump her before her stomach kills her."

"Why can't you just take her to the vet?"

"Thats like, infinity miles from here!"

"I will bring my Sledgehammer."

"Kay, bye." Napoleon said, hanging up. He hung the phone back up. "Pedro and me are taking Tina into town to the vet. I need your roller blades, Kip."

Less than twenty minutes later, Pedro rode his bike, with Napoleon on the pegs, holding Tina's harness. She had a roller blade on all four feet; as they peddled, she rolled along behind them. They finally reached it to the vet, and entered the building.

"Name.. please.." The secretary said, giving wide eyes to the llama.

"Napoleon and Tina Dynamite." He said.

"I'm not sure if we allow llama inspections." She said, biting her fingernails.

"But she is about to die." Napoleon whined.

"I'm just not sure what to do." She said, biting her lip.

"Just follow your heart, that's what I always do." Napoleon said. She gave a confident nod.

"You may see the veterinarian now." She said, now biting a chocolate bar.

"We should say a greatful blessing, or something." Pedro mumbled. They had returned to Napoleon's house. Tina was fine, she actually just had gas.

"Um okay. Tina is a good llama.. and its good she isn't suffering." Napoleon said, zoning off.

"Napoleon! Is she dying?" Rico yelled from the house.

"No, but she would have died if it wasn't for our sweet veterinarian's." Napoleon called back.

"Was there a bill included in their help?" Rico asked, opening the screen door.

"Yes. I told them to put it on your account." Napoleon said, showing the slighest hint of a smile.

"You know what Napoleon? You can get a job." Rico said, pouting and walking in the house.

"Gosh! I flipping hate him!" Napoleon said, exhaling. "Thanks for helping. You brought great pride to the llama spirits."

"My parents said I don't need to get a job." Pedro mumbled.

"Luckyyy!" Napleon said.

AN- I heart Napoleon Dynamite. I hope this was stupidly good. Here. Take some tots as an award for reviewing. :)


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